So a comment poured in the other day asking – nay, DEMANDING – a picture of the sw’obe. If you are new to The Reedster Speaks, you’ll want to go back and read my post about my Old People Yoga class to learn more about this essential piece of outerwear. In short, it is a SWEATER and a BATHROBE combined into ONE ITEM OF APPAREL.
Well, I aim to please. So, today, I’m here to help you build an easy, comfortable, and stylish winter wardrobe on a budget.
THE REEDSTER’S GUIDE TO THE WAHM WINTER WARDROBE
For those of you new to the so-called “mommy wars”, I’m a WAHM. That stands for “Work-at-Home Mom.” As opposed to the major players in the mommy wars, the “SAHM”, or stay-at-home mom, and the oxymoronically monikered “working mom”, who really is a WOHM, or mom who works outside the home. Apparently, they HATE each other. Just ask Anderson Cooper.
In these wars, the WAHM is like Switzerland. We get all the oft-touted benefits of keeping our minds sharp and our self-esteem boosted (you know, by having conference calls and making PowerPoints) by having a “career”, while also getting to do the laundry in the middle of the day. While we don’t get to mix with actual other grown-ups, we do have “conversations” with our “colleagues.” On the internet. Instead of having watercooler discussions at break time, we eat Ben & Jerry’s over the sink at ten in the morning.
Like the stay-at-home mom, we are considered “flexible” and thus get to run children to the dentist when their teeth are knocked out in gym, sign for packages for the entire neighborhood, and wait for the dude from Verizon. The WAHM has the best of both worlds.
Unlike the SAHM or the “working mom”, however, the WAHM rarely has to arrange mid-day activities or play-dates or leave the house or, you know, see people, and thus has no real reason to get dressed. Ever. Nevertheless, when you look your best you feel your best, and lots of articles suggest that just because you are working from home, you shouldn’t let yourself slide. You’ll be more productive, random article-writers say, if you get dressed like you are going to work.
Fuck you, various article-writers. Maybe you work better when you are wearing actual pants, but all I can think of is “how soon can I remove these actual pants because they are cutting off my circulation and I am so uncomfortable I am going to die.” And that, article-writers, is NOT conducive to work.
My Winter Work-at-Home Mom Wardrobe consists of four “looks”, plus one quick switch I think you’ll love!
LOOK 1: DROP-OFF
I start my day around 6:00 AM pondering eternal questions like “Why is nobody pouring coffee into my mouth?”, and then at 6:30 I’m having a discussion with my third grader about what snacks she can/cannot eat in front of the television until I get up, and then at 7:00 I actually get out of bed. I make healthy breakfasts and pack healthy lunches and get my kids out the door like clockwork each morning. RARELY do I have to bribe them with small Ziplocs of chocolate chips to get in the car.
Because I might run into other parents, you’ll see in the photo above that I’ve donned my ACTUAL PANTS with a button and a zipper and snuggled into my GOOD SW’OBE. My feet are cozily tucked into Fake Uggs, or F’Uggs, but T’Uggs (fake Uggs from Target) or GW’Uggs (fake Uggs from The Good Will) will work just as well. If you scored fake Uggs from Target at the Good Will, bonus points to you! You’re now wearing “GW’T’Uggs”, which is really hard to pronounce for native speakers of English because it requires a glottal stop.
My coat is also robe-like in its length and girth. I was going to call it a p’obe, for a parka/robe, but that sounded too close to pube, which always reminds me of Clarence Thomas. So I’ve dubbed it the “C’OBE” for coat/robe.
Dangling from my arm is a free-trade basket made by women in African villages, which you can get from overpriced organic grocery stores for white people like Whole Foods or Earth Fare. I live in Asheville, North Carolina, home to hippies both actual and neo-, and we don’t worry about the latest Balenciaga “it” bag here. Seriously, we don’t even click through those “it bag” slideshows in the Huffington Post Style section. No, you want to look like all-of-the-sudden you might pop into a farmers market and stuff your basket with a shitload of organic vegetables and artisanal spelt bread. I never do, but I LOOK LIKE I COULD. And that’s what matters.
Finish off your look with a big fake “I’m awake and yeah, I’m going to wear a bra and actual pants all day, what of it?” smile, grab keys to your filthy minivan, and you are off!
Not visible: Bra, Scrunchie, Disney Princess Lunchbox, children.
LOOK 2: WORK
Whew! Thank God we only live three minutes from school so that in ten minutes I’m back in the house ripping off the goddamn bra and actual pants and the constricting good sw’obe. Leaving a trail of uncomfortable actual clothing behind me, I switch into my REGULAR SWEATS and the vaunted SW’OBE. This is the sw’obe of fame, people!! REVEL in its robe-ishness, comfy-ness, coziness, and general awesomeness. Also in this picture I’ve revealed my socks of choice, the Smartwool Men’s Large Trekking Socks, for my expeditions back and forth from my office to (a) the refrigerator, (b) the washing machine, or (c) the back door to let the dogs in or out 500 freaking times a day. A 40-ounce cup of coffee later, and I’m ready for work……
LOOK 3: Old People Yoga
….except o
n Fridays.
On Fridays I go to Old People Yoga so actually leave the house mid-day. Since I am allowed to wear the sw’obe and socks, it’s a quick swap-out from the sweats into these GOOD SWEATS. Grab your gear and dash off!
LOOK 4: From Dusk ‘Til Dawn
When I get back from Old People Yoga at 11:30, I think, why change back into my “work clothes” now? It’s practically bedtime and my husband will be home with the kids in a short six hours and I’m just going to have to change into pajamas later anyway. I might as well change now and save valuable minutes I would otherwise spend struggling back in and out of my “Work” outfit.
This looks says, “I give up.” I wear my “From Dusk ‘til Dawn” ensemble probably 75% of the time in the winter. I wear this so much that my youngest said to me, once, “When I be a mommy I get to wear that!” Yes, honey, when you “be a mommy” they will issue this uniform to you upon delivering the placenta. Or landing back on American soil, as was the case with our international tribe.
You’ll see in this photo that I’ve swapped out my sw’obe for my actual bathrobe, which is blue and fuzzy and ROCKS so much there are no words. My Hello Kitty pajama pants are just right for those days you’re sure there is no God and you are just eating bag after bag of microwave popcorn at your desk. You know, every goddamn day in the winter. I don’t like my feet to be exposed between November and March, so I’ll be keeping my tootsies inside my trekking socks. Because trekking doesn’t stop at night, people.
BONUS LOOK
! Special Occasions
You know how women’s magazines always have those fashion pieces about taking your work look from office to dinner with a quick change of accessories? Well, here at The Reedster Speaks it’s not like we’re such losers that we never do anything special. So as a bonus, my final look is for those occasions when the work look is just a bit too casual but you don’t have enough time to change into a completely new outfit.
I bought this kick-ass turquoise Christmas tree skirt off etsy and damned if it doesn’t make for a fabulous actual skirt. You can slip it easily over your “work” outfit for a quick office-to-evening-out transition! Just like in Glamour magazine. Accessorize with “dove of peace” ornament from your tree.
~ ~ ~
You may have noticed that in all these looks, I NEVER NEEDED TO CHANGE MY SHIRT. Let’s just say I’m not the one causing the six loads of laundry every Monday. That I get to do during the day. Because I’m a WAHM.
That’s it! Four simple ensembles and a quick fancy look and you too can look like The Reedster all winter long! Here’s a handy shopping checklist that you can use to shop for the core items shown in this guide, and where you can buy them:
- C’obe (Costco)
- Sw’obe (Target)
- Good Sw’obe (Target)
- Robe (Kohl’s)
- Actual Pants (Target)
- Sweats (Target)
- Good Sweats (Target)
- T-Shirt (Target)
- Smartwool Large Men’s Trekking Socks (actual real store)
- F’Uggs (Target, Good Will)
- Basket/purse from Africa (fancy food store for white people)
- Christmas Ornament (again, Target)
- Tree Skirt (etsy, your Christmas storage tubs)
Did I miss anything? What essentials do you keep in your winter wardrobe?
Although I’m not a WAHM, or a SAHM, or working mom (my kid is grown) I’m totally relating to your insightful fashion tips. That’s because I guess I am a WAHNROP – a work at home not retired old person. I love clothes in theory, but hate wearing them in reality.
To me the biggest difference between clothes I’ll wear out and what I wear in the house is simple: underwear.
I do, however, like my smart wool socks to fit.
Keep on keeping on Reedster!
Yes! This wardrobe TOTALLY applies to the WAHNROP as well. Or the unemployed.
I will never be a mom and I work outside of my house, but I’m always sporting the robe in the winter here and don’t care who knows it. I’m a vision.
Also, the only reason for “belt” ties on robes is to drop them in the toilet. Of this I am convinced.
There was a mafia boss who used to wander around Greenwich Village in his robe, just in case he was ever put on trial, with the goal of pleading insanity. So you’ve got that going for you.
PS: Abby Has Issues posted on my blog!! OMG OMG OMG!! (Stay cool, Reedster…)
That tree skirt skirt looks like it’d be great for dancing – lots of twirling, plus you still have the “pants” underneath, so no indecent exposure.
Yes! Or maybe Dancing With the Bloggers??
There has been a void in my life for so long, and now I realize it is sw’obe-shaped. I may be heading out to Target tonight to fill it. Thank you for showing me the light.
PS – My pajama bottoms have little garden gnomes. But Hello Kitty is pretty darn cool.
Target is NO LONGER SELLING THE SW’OBE! They have, apparently, moved on to springwear. Which makes perfect sense. In January.
I am so grateful to you for clarifying what it is I am wearing each day….I have a sw’obe…but we don’t have Target so I found it at Costco. At first I thought it was a sweater coat, but after a few washings, it is definitely a sw’obe and is never far from my body during the day. I agree with the other comment about the belts and mine is long gone to another world….The trekking socks…never come off – but I had to get icebreakers, because I live in the north, of course, and the majority of the ice seems to be under my computer desk and anyother place in the house where my feet touch the floor. I am so happy that there are others like me out there that I may just go and put my pj bottoms back on…
Send a photo! I just may do a “Sw’obes around North America” slideshow!
since moving to asheville, nc i have purchased three or maybe four versions of the sw’obe, you maybe thinking… I have never seen one! Well mine are all black, as are pretty much every sweater I have purchased, and none of them are really “good sw’obe” material!
Keep resisting buttons, zippers, and snaps… they were invented to keep us down!
Good point. I had never thought of them before as oppressive in the political sense. Just in the circulatory sense.
Totally need a swobe for my wham wardrobe…so jealous.
I know this was a typo, but I’d love to see your “wham” wardrobe as well. Those guys ROCKED.
Freudian slip! …I do LOVE Wham!, but I don’t dress like them anymore.
I just spit my coffee out, laughing at your photos. Brilliant brilliant I love it. I’m not a mom of any sort (other than to a pair of dogs) but I’m pretty sure I’m preparing for motherhood wardrobe already because I’ve got this down pat. I could use some brighter pajama pants though…
Hey thanks for visiting! I love your blog! Someone else mentioned garden gnome PJ pants, which I’ve totally coveting.
What? No bunny slippers?
Occasionally, if I must lure the dogs back from barking at the neighbor’s cat, I don red fake crocs (F’Rocs?). REALLY completes the look.
hahahahaha! I own and daily wear that exact same s’obe. It IS super comfy.
It’s gone now! It was a limited edition and WE HAVE IT. Others can only admire us from afar. Really afar, since we don’t leave the house.
Even old computer Grannys wear sw obe! You sound a little like “Maxine” Very funny!!!
OMG my mother-in-law found and commented on my blog in which I drop the F Bomb constantly. Hey Granny! I’m a really good mom and almost never swear around your grandchildren! Now, off to Google this “Maxine” you speak of.
You inspired me to visit your former local Target to purchase a warm and soft robe to wear 75% of the time I am at home BUT THEY HAD STOPPED SELLING WARM and SOFT ROBES because apparently it’s spring now. I was not pleased, and am now cold.
Right? I went online because I had this idea for a “S’wobe Giveaway” here at The Reedster Speaks. AND THEY WERE NOT EVEN IN THE CLEARANCE SECTION. Gone! No sweaters in January. Who’d want those?
I love, love, love this!! Seriously words do not describe.
I hear all too often, “you’re in pajamas already?!”
Now I can tell my family to hush, it’s the required dress code. Awesome!
Kara, WE ARE THE 99%. The s’wobe wearers, the PJ pant lovers. The Christmas tree skirt twirlers. OK, maybe I’m alone in that last one.
Ah fellow WHAM’s unite.
I am looking into a one piece coverall to get me through.
I think a little belt action,scarf, and possibly a turned up cuff could be the statement I want to let the UPS man know I mean business.
If you read my latest post, you’ll see I’m soliciting photos of JUST THE SORT OF ATTIRE you’ve described.
I needs me a Sw’obe! And sadly, it appears I’ll have to wait til July to get one, cuz that’s when the winter clothes will be available again, of course! I have to leave the house to go to work, so unfortunately I have to wear bras, zippers and buttons on a regular basis, but as soon I get home I’m in slippers and a sweatshirt that I wear so much the cuffs are peeling apart.
I know. Sw’obes are OUT OF SEASON. In January. Next year, buy two. Then when you wash one, you will always have a CLEAN SW’OBE.
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*giggle*
I laugh only because I was anticipating NOT seeing people today (except for at the OT where seriously, we all have special needs kids and no one is judging the other moms) because I was doing dropoff but not driving carpool. I’m wearing an ex-boyfriend’s huge puke green wool sweater that I love because it’s warm and comfy. I promptly forgot this when I did the dropoff of my son AFTER my daughter and decided to go help clean up after Donuts with Dads (which we didn’t attend) in the hopes of scoring a breakfast donut. Oops. a) people saw me wearing this and b) the donuts were gone.
That said, I oddly LOVE my jeans and wear them nonstop. Sweatpants make me twitchy. Go fig.
Bummer on the Donuts! But OK to sacrifice fashion statements for sugary treats. Perhaps I need pajama jeans?
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I too am a WAHM and have a similar uniform. For Christmas and birthdays I always ask for replacement uniform attire as my sweats are forever stained from microwave popcorn grease. Since the majority of my coworkers are on the east coast and I am on the west coast I have been known to attend conference calls from my call, daughter’s first grade classroom or son’s preschool. And even, on occasion, the drive through coffee (crack) house. Spring is here, so I am looking for cropped sweats and thin t-shirts. Flip flops to replace the sketchers walking shoes. Word up on the post! Perhaps you can also expose how WAHMs really DO work despite our flexible schedules and sometimes the laundry is done, just not folded….
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You have done it again, which is succeeded in making me laugh until I was crying. It is such a shame that we will be meeting in real life during the summer as I happen to own multiple sw’obes and would love the chance to show them off to you…alas, you will just have to imagine!
Oh, I’m bringing one of mine, for sure. I brought three sw’obes to Blissdom. Those hotels get chilly!
Having a beloved sw’obe myself, I love the sw’obe series so.very. much. I love that you are “pulling a Jolie” in your “From Dusk to Dawn” look! It had to be done.
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Holy crap Cindy, I am DYING from laughter! You are so hilarious!
Awesome post. I am so very much in love with the tree skirt skirt…. there really are no words.
I work from home, but my husband does the morning drop off. So, I’m in PJs until afternoon pickup. If I have a contractor or other person coming to the house, I add a sweater for modesty (like I’m gonna bother with a bra until I absolutely can’t avoid it). I find that so long as my checks clear, nobody cares what the heck I’m wearing around my house. And conference calls to India don’t much care, either
So glad to hear I’m not alone in my comfortable clothes laziness.
I want to be a wahm. So much comfort. So much respect. I’m so glad it hasn’t all gone to your head.
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