I slipped away after supper tonight thinking I might grab a relaxing soak in the tub. When we move (if we ever sell our house), I may or may not have a big-ass tub as awesome as this one, so I might as well use it, and use it often. The first 90 seconds of my bath? Sublime. Remember these “Calgon, Take Me Away” ads from the 1970s? For a minute and a half, I was that last scene of the transformed harried housewife, at last calmly luxuriating in her bath:
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Enter Akeyla, 4 years old…
Akeyla: Mommy, what are you doing?
Me: Taking a bath.
Akeyla: Can I touch your water?
Akeyla: Can I get in the tubbie? I LOVE TUBBIES!
Enter Astrid, 8 years old…
Astrid: So Mom, I was playing this awesome game, and I was a fox, but I wasn’t like other foxes, I was a magical fox –
Akeyla: The bubbles are going through your boobies!
Astrid (plops onto toilet): — I was the only one with a black tail, and it was a magical tail, and —
Akeyla (to me, shaving): Mommy, why are you doing that??
Astrid (flushing): — BECAUSE LADIES HAVE STINKY HAIRY ARMPITS!! – Anyway, so there was this other fox, with pink eyes and a black tail, no, wait, I was the only one with a black tail, but we were cousins —
Akeyla: BE CAREFUL MOMMY!! DON’T HURT YOURSELF!
Astrid: — and we lived in a forest, in a magical tree, and there were lots of other forest creatures —
Akeyla: I LOVE TUBBIES! I want to touch the water again! TUBBIES ARE MY FAVORITE!!
Astrid: — and the fox with the white tail was named Vanilla, and my name was Chocolate – no Hershey – no Ebony, and —
Akeyla (to me): What are you doing now Mommy?
Astrid: – Akeyla stop asking dumb questions!! – and there was a village that we would go into, and it had a magical candy store, and –-
Akeyla: Do you want my Little People to play with? I can go get them! Do you want my dinosaurs?
Akeyla & Astrid: Why are you getting out?
Me: Oddly enough, I’m done.
Akeyla: CAN I HAVE YOUR TUBBIE???
Astrid (following me): Mom!! You have to listen to the rest of my story…..