I slipped away after supper tonight thinking I might grab a relaxing soak in the tub. When we move (if we ever sell our house), I may or may not have a big-ass tub as awesome as this one, so I might as well use it, and use it often. The first 90 seconds of my bath? Sublime. Remember these “Calgon, Take Me Away” ads from the 1970s? For a minute and a half, I was that last scene of the transformed harried housewife, at last calmly luxuriating in her bath:
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Setting.
Enter Akeyla, 4 years old…
Akeyla: Mommy, what are you doing?
Me: Taking a bath.
Akeyla: Why?
Akeyla: Can I touch your water?
Akeyla: Can I get in the tubbie? I LOVE TUBBIES!
Enter Astrid, 8 years old…
Astrid: So Mom, I was playing this awesome game, and I was a fox, but I wasn’t like other foxes, I was a magical fox –
Akeyla: The bubbles are going through your boobies!
Astrid (plops onto toilet): — I was the only one with a black tail, and it was a magical tail, and —
Akeyla (to me, shaving): Mommy, why are you doing that??
Astrid (flushing): — BECAUSE LADIES HAVE STINKY HAIRY ARMPITS!! – Anyway, so there was this other fox, with pink eyes and a black tail, no, wait, I was the only one with a black tail, but we were cousins —
Akeyla: BE CAREFUL MOMMY!! DON’T HURT YOURSELF!
Astrid: — and we lived in a forest, in a magical tree, and there were lots of other forest creatures —
Akeyla: I LOVE TUBBIES! I want to touch the water again! TUBBIES ARE MY FAVORITE!!
Astrid: — and the fox with the white tail was named Vanilla, and my name was Chocolate – no Hershey – no Ebony, and —
Akeyla (to me): What are you doing now Mommy?
Astrid: – Akeyla stop asking dumb questions!! – and there was a village that we would go into, and it had a magical candy store, and –-
Akeyla: Do you want my Little People to play with? I can go get them! Do you want my dinosaurs?
Akeyla & Astrid: Why are you getting out?
Me: Oddly enough, I’m done.
Akeyla: CAN I HAVE YOUR TUBBIE???
Astrid (following me): Mom!! You have to listen to the rest of my story…..
And…..SCENE.
You should try taking a nap in the afternoon. I’m sure that would go MUCH better. LOL
This is why God made preschool and summer camp: So I can nap.
I had a friend who’s kids hated baths sooooooo much and fought bitterly with her to avoid them that she only made them bathe once a week. She told me the story of one night when her boys were bathing in which she exclaimed, “Oh look, you ARE caucasian, and you have blonde hair, NOT brown!
Between, “The bubbles are going through your boobies!” and “BECAUSE LADIES HAVE STINKY HAIRY ARMPITS!! ” I’m laughing too hard to have anything intelligent to say.
I think we might be living parallel lives. Except I would have to clean out my large, giant tub of all of the Barbies before I could even attempt to take a bath…at which point my children would have already found me.
So funny and so real, this entire entry!
I try to keep the toys in the other bath, but they both love being in my bath because of course it is deeper and more fun, so it is kind of a losing battle.
Oh, lordy. My kids come bursting in and insist on watching if I don’t lock the door. “Mom, you’ve got hair on your bottom!”. Thanks, kids. Thanks a bunch.
Oh yes, the discussion of body hair is a very popular topic here as well.
No little kids at home, but my cats are fascinated with the air bubble tub…that is until one slipped in while it was filling and I could hear her frantically trying to get out…which she successfully did apparently as she flew by me and took the flight of stairs in one bound! Never knew that fluffy creature was actually so skinny!
I’ll add this to the list of reasons I don’t take baths. I do shower though, don’t worry.
Reedster: Lock. the. door!! That’s the only way Calgon will trump inquisitive and energetic children. Or wait until they sleep. That’s my strategy tonight…
I’ll add this to the list of reasons I don’t have kids. That and the fact I know they’re all planning to take over the world as soon as they’re done their Halo game.
It’s for just this reason I’m considering getting rid of the impossible-to-clean, rarely-used whirlpool tub in my bathroom and putting in a shower instead.
Darn kids.
I remember those days when my kids would not let me enter the bathroom in peace. I remember as they pounded on the door sayingto them, “I just want to pee in peace! Get away from the door.”
This is why bathroom doors have locks, though I’m sure they would clamor outside the door anyway.
wait, what were you doing at my house? and why didn’t you let the kids get in? and why were you bothering to shave?
LOL!!