As you drive out of our neighborhood to the intersection with the freeway, the break in the trees offers up a vision of the blue ridges surrounding the city. Even after two years, I find this so breathtaking I almost never fail to shout, “Hello mountains!” when I see them. Astrid and I were on a Sunday trip to Target to buy new flip-flops.
When the naked woman ran out of the scrub on the side of the road, waving her arms, tangled hair flying, the mountains disappeared. So incongruous was she against the almost impossibly blue sky that I didn’t process her presence at first.
And then I had three thoughts, in quick succession:
“She’s been raped.”
“She’s running for her life.”
“She’s high on something.”
It was probably because of that last thought I didn’t pull over immediately when I saw her.
I didn’t unlock my door for her.
Instead I pulled up to the nearest stoplight, threw the car in park, punched on my flashers, and readied to get out, just as she reached my passenger window.
In airplane safety lingo, I put on my mask and my child’s mask first. But by then, it was too late to put on hers.
The truck came screaming out from a gravel lot in the bushes where the DOT stores piles of sand in the winter. A black blur, it threw her against my car with an eerie soft thwump. Inches from my front bumper, it never slowed across the intersection, through the “Do Not Enter” sign, and onto the highway, driving against traffic.
As calmly as I could, I told Astrid to stay in the car, but that I would need to get out. Good folks guided the injured woman to the curb, unbelievably still upright and walking, though her face was suddenly a crimson mask of blood. Hands passed blankets to cover her nude body, water bottles to wash her. Fingers dialed 911.
Not that I was involved in any of that. I called Matt: There was an accident. We are fine. I am a witness. Get Astrid out of here.
“Lawyer-Cindy” came out of storage in a whole take-charge-eyewitness kind of way, making a police statement I’m sure would have gotten an “A” were it graded. Investigators photographed my van and took blood samples from the point of impact. I thanked the officers with firm handshakes all around; the woman long ago carried away, ambulance lights flashing.
But as I left to drive home, the what-ifs began their chorus of questioning whispers in my head. What if I’d stopped right away rather than driving that extra 50 feet? What if I’d popped the lock for her? Had I have saved myself over her? Should I have done more? Would it have been worse? Aren’t we defined by the choices we make, in the blink of an eye?
When the local news called today, I declined politely to be interviewed on camera.
I’m very honored that this post was chosen as the Jury Prize Winner in the Yeah Write blogging challenge No. 67. I don’t often do purely serious posts, and I so appreciate your caring comments below and support on Twitter and Facebook.
I saw your tweet about this yesterday and then my mom told me about this incident today, she saw it on the news I think. For what it’s worth Cindy, I would’ve done the same thing. The social worker in me would have taken over and I would have done the same exact thing. Your instinct will always be to protect your child and yourself first, I think. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing. You had no way of knowing what was going on or what was about to happen. You stopped, that’s more than a lot of people would have done these days. I hope Astrid isn’t traumatized by what she saw.
I searched the news and only saw one small report from yesterday, saying they’d found the truck but the guy was still at large. WLOS called me today so maybe they did a story. The police reports are public, of course. Astrid saw the woman running naked, and thought when I said “we’d been hit” that it was the truck. Her dad came very quickly as we only live down the road. She had loads of questions, of course.
I would have behaved similarly. And who’s to say that the truck wouldn’t have hit your car in an attempt to get to her? Had your child not been in the car, I would answer differently, but she was. I’m all for the oxygen mask style, and I’ve also recently been reminded how scary it feels to be *asked* to get involved in something that can threaten the comfort of your own bubble.
It feels selfish to say so, but it’s true. And, I think, it’s correct. I hope she is and will be okay.
I could not be more proud of you. You totally did the right thing. You’re not a cop or an EMT. Your first responsibility was your own safety and through you, Astrid’s. If you had stopped and let her in the car, things could have been worse. She may have been high or you may have been hit by that truck or you may have found yourself being pursued by the nut that hit her.
You did everything right.
I was wishing you and your husband had been there, with your EMT expertise.
This breaks my heart…and in that open place I am filled with horror, wonder, awe, amazement, and deep compassion for everyone involved. The what ifs can never be answered. You were there and you did not drive away. You protected your child. I cannot say what I would have done. Does any of us ever imagine that this will happen to us? It happened. My hope is that you find ways to contiue taking care of yourself and your child, that the woman receive all of the care and support she needs, and that all of us wake up and do our part to make this world a safer, more sane and compassionate place. Love to you all.
You did the right thing, Cindy, really. Your first instinct was to protect your child, and you did- that’s what makes you a great mom. It’s what you had to do. By the sound of it, the guy seemed pretty determined to get her, and could have hurt Astrid in the process. You are an awesome mom- that means always putting her first. Every time.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this… It sounds absolutely terrifying. Hope Astrid isnt too freake out, but at least she has two great parents to answer her questions!
You can’t jeopardize yourself or your child in a situation like that. You did the right thing. Thank God she was all right. Perhaps your car served as a sort of buffer, something the truck driver didn’t expect to see. Who knows what might have happened if you hadn’t been there at that moment. As for the woman, she got up, she made it to the curb, she was helped. You were able to give the police a clear report, probably a clearer one than most witnesses would have, and protect your daughter and make sure she was taken care of at the same time.You’re a damn hero. *hugs hard* I’m in awe of you.
That must have been just surreal. I can’t believe that something like that happened to you….that’s the kind if thing you see on crime shows. But you know what? You had your daughter and the first thing you did was think of her and protect her.
Cindy you did absolutely the right thing. Astrid comes first and you made sure of that. Oscar Wilde once said ” remorse is the worst form of self abuse” Do not second guess yourself. She could have been wild on drugs, and if you had stopped sooner than you did, and she got in the car, she could have hurt you or your daughter. Great Mom decision. I would have done the same thing
As a parent, I learned hard lessons about the priority that must be placed on making whatever sacrifices and taking whatever action must be taken to protect our children above all other priorities. The what if’s must include a catalogue of risks you avoided and mitigated by taking the decisive action to remove a child, your child from immenient danger. Though we are close in age, my kids are a bit older so forgive me sounding too sage here. It is somewhat of a passage in our lives when we realize that our sacred energy has been assigned to the care, the concern and the common good of our children. Cindy, I think you did everything 100 percent right…and Astrid is safe, and her world remains upright because you are too. I am so sorry you all had to go throigh this and have been thinking of you since I saw your status on Facebook. Sending you thoughts of support and peace. –Elisa
Unfortunately its a difficult position to be placed in. You wanted to help but you have a child. Before I had kids I would have done anything for anyone, always taken a person at their word. Now that I have kids and their safety rests in my hands then I have to carefully weigh their safety against the safety of a stranger. My kids will always win that draw, even as I fight myself about what the right thing to do is.
You did what I would have done. And you did stop, you did help, you did what you could while still keeping your daughter safe. That’s all that anyone could ask.
I think the mama bear in all of us takes over and we instinctively take care of our kids first and then self-preserve. You did the right thing. Unfortunately, nowadays you can never know what’s going on and if there are any drugs or weapons involved. You did your part by offering help as a witness. I’m sure there are many people out there who wouldn’t even do that.
Any choice you made is the right, given what you knew at the time. A healthy amount of what-ifs will twirl in your noodle, but don’t let any live there long-term. Everything ends up as it should. So glad you guys are okay. Hope that lady is, too. What horror.
Wow. My here stopped reading this. Poor woman. Poor you. Poor Astrid. (Did she sleep that night, I wonder? Did you?). I love your title – so thought-provoking and tight, just like the rest of the post.
She had loads of questions and we got to talk about awesome eight year old topics like domestic violence, drugs, and healthcare (she wondered if the woman would get care at the hospital if she had no money
).
You handled this just right. You stopped, were about to get out and help. You didn’t have enough information to screech to a halt at first sighting. Hindsight may be 20/20 but it also asks unrealistic questions–like “what if?”.
Rest easy, breathe gently.
Hi Cindy, I am with agreement with everyone else who has posted here in support of you. You did the right thing. I would have been a shocking thing to see a woman naked and in distress like you did. And yes, you reacted with your mother’s instincts firs – which any responsible parent would have and should have done. Here is another “what-if?”: What if you had stopped and you were standing by outside your car with the women and the person in pursuit of the woman had come up and in trying to hit the woman also hit you by mistake and killed or injured you as well and Astrid had witnessed that? That would also could have been a “what-if?”
I imagine that what you may well be suffering is some from of shock and post-trama shock and guilt. There was not anything else you could have done. Take it from someone who was once the only survivor of a helicopter accident. It took me about 20 years to realize that there was nothing that I could have done to save the lives of the other 3 people (one of whom was the pilot) in the crash with me. It was tragic but that was the truth.
Thank you so much. I remember your story from your essay years ago and appreciate you commenting with your support.
What a horrific event to have gone through–I am so sorry for everyone involved. Cindy, despite your understandable second-guessing, you unquestionably acted very bravely in a terrifying situation. When it gets right down to it there is no single right or wrong response in such a situation–each of us will simply do the best we can with the information & the resources available to us. It’s easy to say “what if?” or “I should have…” but in truth you had no time weigh your options. Fortunately, your instincts were first-rate, your priorities in order: make sure that you & your daughter are safe first and then see if you can help this poor woman–about whom you knew absolutely nothing except that something was terribly wrong. I only hope that if I am faced with a similar challenge I will have the strength to do my “best”–and that I will be found to be as brave as you clearly were. I’m so glad you & Astrid are safe and hope that the woman will get the help she so obviously needs.
As always, Cindy, you are an inspiration to all of us.
Holy hell. First, you totally did the right thing. Sadly, in this day in age, people tricking people into stopping isn’t all that odd. AND you had your kid in the car.
I’m totally confused – why was she naked? Had that dude raped her, and then took off after her, hit her to try and shut her up? How horrific! What an amazing (and horrible) thing for you to have to go through (not to mention her!)
Based on the police report, which was in the paper today, it was her husband. He attacked her in the truck, she escaped, then he went after her in the truck, and that’s where my post begins. He’s still at large.
It is always so easy to second guess ourselves. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap. Did you find out what was going on with that woman and why she was running around naked? I’m amazed you stayed so calm. I would have been flipping out.
If you scroll down to my friend Brian’s comment below, you’ll see a link to an article. Domestic violence.
I saw your tweet as well and was wondering what the heck happened. I also echo all Amy’s questions–did you find out the situation? So random and scary.
But I also agree that playing “what if” is just pointless. You have a responsibility to yourself and your child first and foremost, and you did what you could after that. If you had done something else, you might be questioning whether or not that was right. Go with instinct. Trust your gut. You were helpful and did what you could.
Damn! You just proved my theory that my favorite writers have law degrees!!! This story is scary and of course you did the right thing. Sometimes part of the right thing involves agony and horror. And the detail about the Target flip flops–perfect. Seriously, this sounds so horrifying and I relate to feeling guilt because there was more need and urgency that was possible to fulfill at once. Astrid is lucky. So are we.
Yes, we lawyers are all frustrated writers, for the most part.
Such an unbelievable story Cindy. Truly like something out of the opening moments of Law & Order. I am so glad you are okay and that you protected your daughter, who is at the end of the day your number one priority. It sounds as though you certainly did not abandon the woman either, so I think can rest safely knowing you helped. The what ifs are exactly that.
You showed amazing clarity – that was a great response, actually. its not like your drove away. you did not know what the situation was.
As I’m sorry for this woman who was probably fleeing an abusive situation, I’m also sorry for you and Astrid… you put your daughter FIRST and that’s a mother’s instinct – but you didn’t run fro helping another. There was no way you could have known what was coming. You did the best thing you could – balancing the needs of others.
What a trama!!! It will be with you for a long time, I’m sure.
I probably would have done the same thing as you did. I think when we are faced with such circumstances, we go on “autopilot” and instinct takes over. I’m glad that you and your daughter are okay.
I agree with Lois – you may have felt muddled but you showed great clarity. That’s a terrifying situation. So sorry all of you had to go through this.
When things like that happen, there’s an extended moment of chaos – visual, noise, situational – and your brain has to piece together what is happening before you even decide what to do. It sounds like it happened so fast, the reality of what has happening hadn’t even fallen into place yet. You remained calm and kept your head, which is impressive.
I actually know someone else who had something similar happen to her – naked woman in peril shows up in front of her car. She and her friends were teenagers at the time, and they panicked, thought the woman was a wild animal (it was dark), and drove away screaming. The woman was eventually helped, but that reaction should help you put yours into perspective. You handled your responsibilities as a mother and a citizen really, really well.
Yeah, I”m glad teenage Cindy wasn’t dealing with this. She would have been a hot mess.
http://www.foxcarolina.com/story/19094065/police-tn-woman-hit-by-husbands-vehicle-after-nc-fight
Cindy, I am glad that you all are ok. Crazy, completely random, and scary! I think you took the right actions, especially when not talking to the news.
Hope to see you soon, by the way, you missed a wild and crazy party while you were gone…
Um, yeah. I saw all the leftover wine, which you guys should have taken since I don’t drink.
There is absolutely nothing to add to this that hasn’t already been said. I just wish I could hug you. You did the right thing.
Oh, goodness… How horrible for you and everyone involved. I agree with the comments that said there is nothing you could have done in this situation that was more right than what you did. Many, many hugs…
Dear Cindy, I echo everyone here, in saying that protecting yourself and Astrid was of primary importance. The choices made were not only yours, there were all of the choices that were made by that man and woman that led to this collision. You did the best you could in a sudden emergency, acting first on survival instinct then seeing if you could help. Thankfully you and Astrid are safe, and the woman not as hurt as she could have been. Given the scary circumstances I think it’s a miraculous outcome.
Thanks E. I was pretty shocked that she could walk and give info after the fact. Now I’m thinking maybe my van where it was helped – that he would have just run her down, but didn’t want to crash into me because then he would have had to stop. Of course I can’t quiet the alternative scenarios in my head. Her condition wasn’t listed in the paper; he is still at large.
Your child was the innocent who deserved your protection. Any action that would have put her in jeopardy would have been the wrong thing. I’m praying for you and the other victim. Ellen
I think you did the right thing, girl. You didn’t intend to blow her off totally, like a lot of people would have; you found a safe place to stop and made sure she couldn’t open the door and hurt your baby. I would have done the same thing, and I would have beat myself up about whether or not I should have stopped sooner. But the consensus from your readers seems to be that you acted wisely (and wrote well about it).
As I was reading, I was wondering if it was fiction! Cannot believe this happened to you. The world is such a scary, crazy place, and you absolutely did the right thing by following your instincts. But I understand that questioning voice in your head that’s suggesting otherwise. Try and turn down the volume on that.
That she could walk and talk is amazing. I totally agree, seems he was hell bent on running her over or attacking her further in some way. I think some kind of impact was inevitable for her, your van being where it was acted as a kind of buffer to lessen the impact, and veer him away. It was a merciful intervention.
It’s understandable, the alternate scenarios running through your head. There was real danger, and it sounds like your body is still in “fight/flight/freeze” mode. I have info on how to help this if you need. If you really want to know how she’s doing, I bet you can call the precinct and find out what hospital she was taken to. I hope police find him soon.
Having your little girl in the car means choosing caution above all else. This story may have also ended up as “crazy naked lady holds woman with small child up at gunpoint.”. We always second-guess these situations.
So awful for that poor woman. They will have fun with that guy in prison if they ever catch him.
What a brave post and what a courageous mama you are! If anyone faults you for how you handled the situation, he or she must not be a parent.
It’s always a little too easy to question your actions when armed with the vision of hindsight. We do the we can with knowledge we have at the moment.
Wow, terrifying story. But, like so many others have said, I would have done the same. Kids always come first. The fact that you were planning on getting out, even 50 feet later, shows you did right by her.
You did exactly the right thing. You prepared to help her – you didn’t turn away. But you also protected your child. It’s easy to second guess, but at the time, you weren’t making thought-through decisions. You were choosing fast and on the go. In the end, you did stop, and for all you know, that is the reason she wasn’t in the middle of the road when the black truck flew by.
Hopefully by now the shock has worn off a little bit, hon. May the rest of your week be….boring.
Everyone has already said it, but you did the right thing. At the DV shelter where I worked, we wouldn’t even send a taxi into a potentially violent situation. That is what the police do. You never know what is going on and how people under stress will react. I’m coming in late to commenting, so I hope you and Astrid are feeling a little better by now.
I’m still holding my breath. Wait a moment while I exhale. Inhale. I wish for your sake (and Astrid and naked woman’s) this was a fiction piece. What a horrifying experience, captured so perfectly for us in your writing. I can’t imagine what I would do in a similar situation. I think you handled it brilliantly all the way through. I hope you get some peace around this and trust your choices were spot on and courageous.
What if? What if? What if? It’s the worst question in the world. It haunts parents. It gets at people on the job. It’s in our love lives. We can’t get rid of it; we just have to learn to shush it up.
Oh my god, that is terrifying. I would have done the same thing. I always think of my child first. Can’t help it, won’t change it.
what a piss of sh!t. (the “husband”, not you). i’m glad you got Astrid out of there ASAP. i hope she and you are OK.
that s/b piece not piss.
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Wow, that’s crazy…
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I just want to echoe everyone else’s sentiments. You did the right thing. It’s so easy to second guess after a a horrific event & I know I would have reacted the same way.
I came over to this post b/c of the round up post. You have had an insane couple of weeks! I wish I lived closer so we could go get a drink!