I’m variously amused and horrified by the search terms that land people on the shores of The Reedster Speaks. For example, just today someone found me while searching for “thong moms”. Which is understandable, given my recent “Real Moms Don’t Wear Thongs Post.” But still creepy.
So in a phoning-it-in-esque post, I decided to post some other things your friends and neighbors are searching for. Things that Google believes are somehow connected to my delicate little blog. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
* Katniss Everdeen childfree
* my husband is always late and never calls.
* “aproned” [quotation marks theirs]
* 1950s breastfeeding photos
* pubes old granny
* juicing – a recipe that doesn’t taste like crap [I’m sorry, searcher. THERE ARE NONE.]
* Why bipolar boyfriend says we are too different when he is manic [Answer: When we are manic, we bipolars speak the truth.]
* Bipolar and mosquitoes
* kohls socks
* princess zombie from zombie land
* gay shit funny
* body parts milk and cookies
* what are inappropriate blogging [Isn’t that the eternal question? What ARE inappropriate blogging?]
* creating a fake salad shop for kids [Sorry. You’ll find no crafts here. Move along.]
* i tell a joke laugh then realized it wasn’t funny [This never happens to The Reedster. Every syllable out of my mouth is pure comedic genius.]
* wooden well covers [TWO people found my blog this way. I don't even know what these are. Sounds very "Little House on the Prairie."]
* crap gift basket [THREE people found my blog using this term. This?? This is a craft I could make].
Enjoy your long weekend, American readers!
Bloggers – give it up in the comments. What search terms have people used to find your blog?
I love love love doing this! I did a “Google Me” post like this back in June and plan to post a few times per year if it stays interesting. My favorites were “housewife action,” “busty hasidic women,” and “why are zombie refugee camps bad?” I know…
I need to read your blog more often. These are awesome.
I have two that I’m extremely proud of: “selfish zombie mom” and “Texas Big Hair.” I’m not sure it’s better than “thong mom” but it’s awful damn close.
I LOVE these!!!! Haha!
I just did one not too long ago too. My top ten faves are posted here…. http://www.happinesscubed.net/google-thinks-im-a-big-boobed-babe/
Crap gift basket has me cracking up! Some people are so random.
Well, I WAS going to save this for a blog post but you’re worth giving it up for, Reedster. Well, not IT it. It’s obvious that ship has sailed what with the baby I’ve already pushed from my nether regions. WAIT. This is exactly what happens when things sound normal in your head and then you write them down and it all goes to hell. They should stay in your head, or you should start a blog. WAIT. What? Anyway, A. LOT. of people find my blog by searching “I peed my pants”. It’s true. I did. I peed my pants. Just a few years ago. And decided it would be great to share it with all of you. My 2nd favorite search of all time has been “iceland gay bears”. Not BARS, people. BEARS. I don’t know if Iceland has more gay bears than the rest of the bear-populated areas of the world, but it’d be fun to research. Or, google. I don’t know why but I feel like a gay bear would somehow be more approachable.
OK, first, we need a link to the pants-peeing post. Second, why am I rooming with you at BlogHer next year again? I am SO not sharing a bed with you. Third, does Bjork know?
First, it’s the IronMan post. Second, shut the front door you know I’m kidding. The only things having inappropriate fun together will be your jaunty fedora and my bowtie hat when we stage them together for our blog’s sake. Third, maybe. I’ll ask her. Seems like she might be more of a human-sized-swan afficionado.
The still-life possibilities are endless. Bowtie hat?
Wait. For. It.
On my blog someone just searched for “cute three year old girls” I have deleted all pics of my kids off my blog….Creepy assholes…
I’m not sure if I’ve overreacted or not, but that seriously was a wtf moment.
Gross and scary.
OMG – my heart is pounding and my stomach turning reading this. So scary.
Love this! I get every variation of booger you can imagine from a post I did about wiping boogers on furniture. Who knew that’s so universal?! Even Adele must do it cause today I got “adele picks nose and roles boogers on her hand.” I also tend to get a bunch about breasts, fondling, and angry breast technicians. But that’s just me.
I hate when people ‘role’ buggers on their hands! The spelling errors are the best.
My post this past week was about this too. Isn’t it fun? And I warned you if you ever use the word thong, you’ll forever have blog content for future posts based solely on the searches.
Wow. You win. Squirrels and Febreze? !
Someone googled “parents who raise mean assholes” last month and found my blog. I must be giving really good advice on that topic because they stuck around for 17 page views. :/
I wrote one about my mom inexplicably giving me like 50 different kinds of panties and now I get at LEAST 10 hits a day for “mom panties” and variations much much worse…And the one about how I accidentally felt up my mother? Fugitaboutit.
It may amuse you to know that I locate my favorite blog entry by TheBbloggess by searching “eyelash glue + motherfucker” – and now I will use Thong Mom to find yours. This works for me.
These are hilarious. Mine are pretty boring. The only one that could seem weird is ‘Flatten me super dad’, but once you know there is a book company called ‘Flatten Me’ and a book titled ‘Super Dad’ it loses all weirdness.
I love looking at these too, though I don’t think mine are quite as exciting as yours
A sampling of mine: stars they’re just like us, kevin federline fat, poopy diaper change in bathroom, “started wearing glasses”, taller than me girl, big dark spot on forehead, flip flop play mature, he didn’t get in a food fight git, betty draper fat.