I remember when I was a solo practitioner as a lawyer and every case I got felt like the last paycheck I would ever receive. I never realized that I would feel the EXACT SAME WAY about my blog readership, even though I make, um, approximately zero dollars from The Reedster Speaks. Which is a SHAME, I tell you, because every word I write is GOLD. But when I don’t have time to post, I feel like each hit on the blog is the last reader I will ever have.
I haven’t had time to post much and I see my analytics falling off until it appears that only weirdos searching for things like “mom thongs” or “moms in thongs” or “real moms wearing thongs” or “thong moms” or “is it normal my girlfriend would rather wear thongs than grannie panties” are reading my blog. Let’s just say thank God for my “Real Moms Wear Thongs” post or I would be out of business.
So here’s a quick post to update you on all things The Reedster.
You may recall from my post “Eat from the Box, Drink from the Carton” that we listed our current house last spring and went through SHOWTIME! after SHOWTIME! in an attempt to convince someone to buy it. And yay! We sold, we bought, and we move on Sunday. We are downsizing and I am pleased to report that come November, I will write a check for a mortgage half the size of our current one, for a newish house that still has a whole lot of magic.
In between packing, starting a huge work project, throwing a “Princess and the Frog” gymnastics party for Akeyla’s 5th birthday, and taking a quick jaunt for business to New Jersey, where, no shit, my view out my hotel window looked like this —
— I’m also pulling Halloween costumes out of my ass. Luckily Akeyla will wear whatever princess costume we happen to have balled up in the dress-up box. Astrid, on the other hand, requires an Edith Head touch and only Academy Award winning costumes will do. Fortunately my friend Katie sews and has whipped up a Harry Potter robe, so look out when Luna Lovegood comes trick or treating to your door.
Last year I went as the Perimenopausal Princess:
My Groupon series for Laser Hair Removal is finished!
I think we can all agree the results are amazing.
As I held a cold can of Coke to my sizzling neck I could barely conceal my giddiness at how perfect it all turned out, and how much I wanted more.
Me: Can I get a quote on my buttocks?
Spa Lady: Sure. Pull down your pants.
Me: Can you also do the tramp stamp area?
Spa Lady: Sure honey, I’ve seen it all.
Surprisingly, it’s quite affordable to get hair burned off your ass. Matt was noncommittal.
Matt: So, are you going to get a tramp stamp?
Me: No. I think I’ll get a tattoo there that says “I could get a tramp stamp here now because I lasered off all my back hair.”
Matt’s a man of few words, but I’m pretty sure that meant he is psyched.
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Next time I write, I may be sitting outside a neighbor’s house stealing wifi while we wait for our internet to get connected. Wish us luck!